Should I eat? Am I hungry? The last several days have been a mix of eating healthy, balanced meals and eating junk food with a tiny bit of binge eating. This makes me feel incredibly uneasy. All trust in myself and my hunger signals and cravings is lost. Am I really craving that sandwich/piece of cake/cookie, … Continue reading Should I Eat? Iceberg Panic
One month ago I quit my job to pursue my dream of being a full-time writer. Three days later I boarded a flight to Milan to start a three-month trip across western Europe. Change is hard for me. I love structure, routine, rules, and regularity, especially when it comes to exercise and food. After five … Continue reading How Traveling Europe Helped My Eating Disorder
Reflecting. Reflecting all the time. Reflecting is one of my favorites. It's common for those with the textbook anorexia personality to coexist in dual worlds. One, a curated and polished external presentation to others. The other, trapped inside one's mind with relentless rules, beliefs and discipline. Even before my eating disorder developed I've always analyzed … Continue reading Reflection Time
One session from the NEDA Annual Conference in October left me with a tear stained face and a validated soul. For the first time I felt heard and understood on a topic that I had never successfully unpacked, all without saying a word. When selecting the conference sessions I wanted to attend earlier this summer … Continue reading Fathers, Daughters, and Eating Disorders
A powerful experience while attending the NEDA Conference was being trained as a facilitator and trainer for the Body Project, the only evidence based body acceptance and eating disorder prevention program. Over two days I ran through the program twice and it left a profound impact on me and my fellow trainees. Even as someone who … Continue reading The Body Project
As I head to my third day of attending the National Eating Disorder Association Annual Conference I'm reflecting on the amazing experiences I had yesterday through a wide variety of sessions. I learned what Facebook and Instagram are doing to help prevent and address eating disorders. I took a creative writing workshop where I wrote … Continue reading Shocking Statistics: Anorexia is rare, dieting is not
My notebooks from college contain column after column of numbers down the margins. How many calories have I eaten? How many calories did I burn at the gym? How close am I to my 800 calorie limit? What did I weigh this morning? How far is that from my safe weight, where I deem myself an acceptable human for the day? Addition and subtraction ruled my life for six years.